Leave Me Breathless

(A Heartbreaking Farewell)

All I want is to make him happy even if it would mean letting him go. I love him so I’d better send him free than to see him suffer. Love is granting peace and freedom despite being hurt.

It’s been a year since I was fallen into a deep ravine, so deep that I let myself fall freely as if I’m falling in heaven. I negotiated my fear and reluctantly set myself free. Suddenly, it turned to be quick that I instantly fell to the ground, thereby breaking my heart. I was paralyzed by deep thought, exhilarated by greed, and hurt by my sudden decisions. I set loose all of my stuffs, and there, lying helplessly in the ground, full of bruises, I silently weep. I never imagined how I was not able to limit myself to the point that I was in the verge of danger. All I knew is that I loved him though forbidden. But I must proudly stand and move on. This is not the end. There’s more to life than wasting my tears for him.

          Love, as always been defined, is blind. They are right. But still, I let it conquer my heart. For a person like me, it is not hard to fall in love with someone who always make you feel that you are someone to be treasured. He always make me laugh and well, aside from making me stumble each night, and making me scream as if I’m in my Psy1 class, that’s all. He always make me feel that I am special, that I can lean on his shoulders when I am tired, that I can burrow my face to his chest whenever I cry. That’s all I used to love, the feeling of being secured like I’m with my Papa. But he’s not my dad. Papa won’t hurt me. Papa won’t leave me. He loves me!

        He told me he loved me but that he loves somebody else more than how I loved him. He bade goodbye and left me smiling. From the start, I was the one to be blamed for our break- up. I always make him feel that he’s free to be taken by others. And that time when he confessed to me those heart- breaking statements, I answered, “From the very start, I have told you, this is not going to last for a tic- tack. You’ve always been free to follow your heart because in the end, I don’t want you to blame life. And that I am not the right one for you. There’s somebody out there who deserves your hugs, who deserves your love. She’s waiting. Go! Go, before I change my mind.”  

           Before he left, he laid down his head to my neck. I forced myself not to cry until he waved his hand- a signal of goodbye. The drops of my tear started to wet my lips, erasing the smile on it as he faded on my sight. But the tears made me realize that if there’s someone waiting for him, then, there’s still someone who is lonely because I’m not yet there beside him/ HER. And so, I wiped my tears and started my journey in search of this person as I go on with my life. I knew, he’s gonna part my way, in the right place, in the most perfect time. There’s still the so- called “destiny” and I am heavily relying on it.

       But for now, I must strenghten myself first before crossing another ravine. I’ll search a better way so that instead of a ravine, I’ll fell in the heavenly sky.

For destiny, alone will not work if you’re not going to work it on yourself.